BEING UNDERSTOOD

Why some people always get picked, and others never feel understood

Audrey Boyle · Brief · November 2026 · 4-minute read

Every story changes depending on who’s the lead. Tell The Wizard of Oz from the witch’s side and you get Wicked: the same events, a completely different story. Work runs the same way. As a side character, you’re seen from the surface. People know what you did, maybe why, and they decide who you are from that. They don’t know the way you do it. In Gallup’s research, people who use their strengths every day are six times more likely to be engaged in their work.[1] Being seen is amazing. Being heard is awesome. The real work is being understood. You deserve to be the lead character in your own story.

Why does the story change with the lead?

Origin stories do this. Once you know what a villain went through, you understand how they got there. The same is true of the hero. Nobody’s story makes sense from the surface.

What does a side character miss?

Depth. We can know the who, the what, the why and even the how of someone’s plan without knowing the way they carry it out. The way is usually what pays off in the end, and it’s the part side characters never get to show.

Why do some people seem to get picked for everything?

Everyone knows someone who lands every project and every promotion, and it’s hard to see why. Working hard every day raises your odds; it isn’t the whole answer. The people who move forward are usually the lead characters of their own story: the way they work and what people know about them line up. The internal informs the external. You can do anything, but you can’t do everything. And luck, as the saying often credited to Seneca goes, is when preparation meets opportunity.

Are you good at it, or do you love it?

Being chosen often starts with “we think you’re good at this.” But there are plenty of things you’re good at that you don’t enjoy. Picture three overlapping circles: what you know, what you’re good at, and what you love doing. Shade in the sliver where all three meet. Do more of that, and the work comes with purpose. Hand over everything you’re good at like a buffet, and someone else picks the plate.

Can you be the lead anywhere?

On the stage, backstage, in the back row, somewhere nobody can see you: where you are doesn’t decide it. What decides it is who you hand control to. Walk into a room assuming everyone is watching and judging, and you’ve cast yourself as a side character. Most people in that room have already turned back to their own worries.

What if you could do it again, knowing what you know?

I read a lot of fiction with a rebirth plot: someone dies at 28 and wakes up at 18, right before the bad choice, knowing who stood by them. In one, a scientist develops a life-saving drug in both lives. The first time, she’s misunderstood, someone else takes the credit, and she disappears. The second time, she makes the same discovery, gets the credit and builds her own company, because she knows what she brings and so does everyone around her. Same work, same talent. The difference is being understood. Knowing your way of working gives you some of that second chance without starting over.

Do you need someone to save you?

Outside perspective helps, and so can an outside expert. That’s an also, not an instead. But you don’t need saving to become the lead character. You can start with yourself.

What’s still open: What happens on a team where everyone gets to be the lead character at once?

SOURCES

1. Gallup, “How Employees’ Strengths Make Your Company Stronger”, 2014, updated 2020.

The external side of a career is what Social Proxy works on. The internal side is what Named Work is built on.